Secrets
by x Sarahh x
Summary: Set after Series 3 Episode 9 - Rachel has more than one secret from her past to hide...
1. The First Secret

"Eddie, wait." Rachel shouted to her deputy. He turned around and looked at her with those deep chocolate eyes, and she felt herself become a teenage girl again. "I'm sorry, about what I said, I know I went too far. Just please come back?"

"Okay." Eddie began to walk back towards Rachel "Just don't say anymore about Michael or Alison."

"I promise." Rachel told him sincerely, not wanting to lose this chance she had.

"Red wine?" Eddie asked her, breaking into her thoughts.

"Please. Thank you, Eddie." She glanced up at him "For coming back. I'm sorry about what I said, I wouldn't like it if you went on about my daughter like I went on about Michael."

Eddie frowned – her _daughter?_

Rachel covered her mouth with her hand as she realised what she had just said. She had told him about her, her daughter.

"Rachel, what do you mean?" He sat down next to her, his eyes full of concern.

Rachel shook her head, tears in her caramel eyes "Nothing, Eddie, I just..." the tears overflowed, streaming down her face.

"Rachel, it's okay. Let's go outside." Eddie's voice interrupted her crying. He took her hand in his and lead her outside the pub, down the road and into a quiet park.

"Eddie, it's nothing, just leave it."

"Rachel, it's not nothing. Please, just tell me."

She shook her head as fresh tears poured out of her eyes. But no matter how hard she cried, she couldn't get over that one thought.

_I left my own daughter to die._

_Please review, __**constructive**__ criticism welcome!_


	2. Past Mistakes

_Thankyou for the reviews on Chapter 1, I didn't expect people to like this!_

"Rachel. Rachel, what's wrong?" Eddie asked her in a concerned voice

"Eddie, how many times? Just leave it!"

"No, Rachel, tell me, I can help you!"

"No, Eddie, no one can help me now. It's my problem, it's my fault and I'll deal with it!" Rachel got up and did the only thing she could do to get away from it all – run.

She ran out of the park, up the street, past the pub until she got to her house. She unlocked the door and pushed it open with some force, before slumping down against it on the inside and sobbing.

She cried for Eddie, who she had pushed away and hurt, wishing she could rewind time. She cried for herself, the secrets she was hiding, and how it would wreck her life if anyone ever found out. But mainly, she cried for her daughter, Sophie, who she had left. Maybe if she'd thought his behaviour strange before she'd left Sophie with him, maybe if she'd taken Sophie with her...

"_Jack, are you sure? I mean, I can take her, she's my daughter."_

"_It's fine, Amanda. How long will you be?"_

"_Only about 10 minutes. There's a bottle on the counter over there, call me if there's anything wrong."_

"_See you later, Mandy."_

_Amanda closed the door. She loved Jack, but why she did, she wasn't entirely sure. He'd been the one who made her do this, who made her go round the streets this night._

_It was when she got back that she realised what she had done. She'd left her 6 month old daughter in the hands of a maniac. The house was empty. No Jack, no Sophie. No note to explain where they'd gone. Only a small drop of blood on the kitchen floor._

_She remembered ringing the police, finding out that Jack was wanted for crimes too horrible to even think about._

_Finding out from a neighbour called Louise that she had seen Jack leaving the house soon after she had, with Sophie._

_Then the next day, when a baby's body was found. Jack was found nearly a mile away and arrested. She had no one to comfort her, no one that cared._

_And the court case, seeing him there, arrogantly denying all the charges. He got sentenced to life in jail, although he could get out. The thought of him finding her scared her to death._

Rachel was sat there, crying for well over half an hour. Still, nearly 20 years later, she was plagued with guilt. What if she'd done this, what if she'd done that?

What if Jack got out?

_Please review :) They're all really appreciated!_


	3. I'm Sorry

_Again, thankyou for the reviews, they're really good to read! I have alot of spare time today so prepare for updates! ;)_

The phone was ringing. It was 2am for goodness sake, who'd be ringing at this time?

He grudgingly got out of bed and answered it.

"Hello?" He muttered sleepily down the phone

"Mr Lawson?" Came the reply down the phone

"Yes."

"Do you know a Miss Rachel Mason?"

"Yes, she's my boss. Why, is something wrong?"

"Do you know if she has a history of depression or self harm?"

"Erm, not that I know of. But I've only known her for two weeks, so.."

"Well, we have some evidence that Miss Mason may have attempted suicide. Her sister received a text message from her earlier, reading 'I'm sorry. Maybe it's better like this.' After this, she didn't answer either her landline or her mobile. Did you have any contact with her?"

"No, I mean, we were talking in the park earlier, she got upset and ran off, but none after that."

"And what time was this?"

"Around 5pm."

"Did she text you or anything after that?"

"I haven't had my phone on, it ran out of battery and I couldn't find the charger."

"Right, do you know her address?"

"42, Vanguard Road, Rochdale."

"We'll phone you if we get any news."

"Thank you." Eddie pressed the "End Call" button. Rachel. She could be dead and it would all be his fault. If he hadn't kept going on, if he'd left it, if he'd followed her, she'd be okay.

He couldn't sleep, the image of a pale Rachel, eyes closed, barely breathing visited him each time he closed his eyes. He read a book, but the way the author described a woman's eyes reminded him of her. He read the paper, but there were too many stories about death.

Eventually, the phone rang. Eddie quickly picked it up, hoping for the news that she was alright.

"Mr Lawson?"

"Yes."

"Miss Mason did try to commit suicide. She cut her wrists and she's lost a lot of blood."

"Is she alive?"

"Barely."


	4. Why?

_Again, thank you __**so **__much for the reviews! There might be one more update tonight, if not, tomorrow :) _

"_Is she alive?"_

"_Barely."_

After receiving this terrible news, Eddie had driven as fast as he could, breaking the speed limit more than a few times, to the hospital where he was told to wait in the cafe with Rachel's sister, aunt and best friend.

"Eddie Lawson?" asked an elderly lady, who looked just like Rachel, but older.

"Yes."

"I'm Abigail, Rachel's aunt. Would you join us at our table over here?" she gestured to a table where a blonde, wavy haired woman, and another woman, about Rachel's age, with black hair were sitting.

"You must be Melissa and Sophie?" Eddie enquired. The blonde looked up, her eyes red and swollen

"I'm Mel. Rachel's sister." She held her hand out and Eddie shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Mel."

"Sophie. I'm Rachel's best friend." the black-haired woman said

"Good to meet you."

"So you're Eddie, Rachel's deputy?" Melissa asked

"Yes, I am."

"Rachel speaks very highly of you. She really likes you." She smiled

"She's an admirable woman."

"That she is." Abigail said proudly "Not everyone could build a career like that on nothing."

"Why would she do what she did?" Sophie asked

"She self harmed when Mum and Dad left us, but she hasn't since as far as I know." Mel told her

"Yes, but today is 20 years since Sophie was murdered." Abigail realised

"I hope that man never gets out. It'd destroy Rach to know that the man who killed her daughter had been forgiven." Mel said, to nods from Abigail and Sophie

"Wait, her daughter was murdered?" Eddie asked

"Yes. 20 years ago. Sophie James-Fenshaw, remember the story on the news?"

"Oh God. I am such an idiot." Eddie ran his hand through his hair

"Why?" Abigail asked

"She let slip about her daughter, and I should have dropped it, but I didn't. I didn't think..."

"You wouldn't think that, it's not your fault." She answered. Like Rachel, she was an uncommonly kind woman.

"If I'd just left it, though, she wouldn't have ended up like this..."

"Eddie, you weren't to know about any of this." Abigail reassured him

"Melissa Ryan, Abigail Fenshaw, Sophie Roberts and Eddie Lawson?" a young nurse shouted, trying to find the people she needed to inform.

"Over here." Melissa mumbled through tears.

"Which one of you is Rachel's next of kin, Melissa Ryan?" the nurse asked

"Me." Melissa answered

"Ms Ryan, I think you should take a seat..."


	5. The Hospital

_Thanks again for the reviews, they're much appreciated. Thankyou very much to Grantly-Is-Wise for all the help! Read her fics, they're amazing!_

"_Ms Ryan, I think you should take a seat..."_

Melissa sat down with a thud. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"Your sister has lost a lot of blood, and most of her veins and arteries in her wrists are severely damaged."

"Will she live?"

"As I said, she's lost a lot of blood, and the next 24 to 48 hours will be touch and go. The team have stopped all of the bleeding, but there's no telling if it might start again. She's unconscious at the moment."

"How did they find her?" Eddie asked

"Paramedics had to break into her house, and they found her in the kitchen, on the floor. She'd been bleeding for about 20 minutes they think. "

* * *

_The paramedics had spent a few minutes trying to see where Rachel was in the house, and if she was still conscious._

"_Miss Mason?" one of the paramedics, a young blonde, shouted through a slightly ajar window "Miss Mason, if you're in there, please come and see us." She turned to her colleague "We're going to have to break in."_

"_Isn't there a key somewhere?"_

"_Try under the doormat or somewhere. I'm going to get bandages and a stretcher."_

"_There's a key here, shall I try unlocking the door?" the paramedic named Ashleigh asked_

"_Go for it, Ash. I'll be with you in a minute."_

_Ashleigh cautiously opened the door and went inside. She turned into the kitchen where Rachel lay on the floor._

"_Amy! Amy quick!" she screamed "She's in here!"_

_Amy entered the kitchen with a huge bag of bandages. When she saw Rachel, she crouched down next to her and began to dress her wounds, trying to stop the blood flow._

"_Rachel, love, can you hear me?"_

_Rachel groaned and her eyelids fluttered._

"_Rachel, I'm Amy, I'm a paramedic. We're taking you to hospital."_

"_Leave me. Please. I don't want to be here anymore." Rachel whispered_

"_Rachel, love, you have to go to hospital. Your aunt, Abigail, is in the ambulance, she wants to see you."_

"_We're going to put you on a stretcher, take you to the ambulance."_

_As the ambulance drove off, Abigail asked her niece; "Why did you do it, Rachel?"_

"_Sophie would still be alive if it weren't for me. I deserved to die, not her."_

"_Rachel, listen to me. Sophie's death was not your fault, there was nothing you did wrong."_

_A single tear rolled down Rachel's pale cheek._

_

* * *

_

"What did she use?" Sophie asked the nurse, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"She used a knife."

Melissa began to cry, and was instantly comforted by Abigail and Sophie.

Half an hour later, the nurse returned.

"She's not dead, is she? Please tell me my sister's not dead." Mel asked, thinking the worse

"No, in fact I have some good news. Miss Mason is making a remarkable job of recovering, she actually just regained consciousness."

"Oh my God. Can she talk, is she okay?"

"She's quite bright considering. She asked to see you all when I told her you were here." The nurse smiled warmly.

"I really need to be going. I have work tomorrow and with Rach gone, the school won't run itself." Eddie said

"Eddie, you go and see Rachel ahead of us, she will want to see you even if only briefly." Abigail instructed "Go."

Eddie was lead up to the ward Rachel was on. He saw her lying in a side room, her beautiful auburn hair spread out on the pillow.

"Rach?"

"Eddie!" Rachel's eyes flew open, her face light up.

"I can only stay for a while, it's 1am and the school won't run itself!" he smiled as she gazed up at him.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, your aunt told me about her. I shouldn't have gone on." He took her delicate hand in his, and could have sworn Rachel had squeezed it back.

"You weren't to know, Eddie. You weren't to know." Rachel managed a smile.

"I've got to go, Rach. I'll come tomorrow, I promise." Eddie kissed her cold forehead, squeezed her hand and walked off, leaving Rachel lying in a dream world.

He gave Abigail his number, told her to call him if there was any news, and departed back home. As soon as he got inside, he found his phone charger and put his phone on charge. He saw that he'd got messages from Rachel, after she'd ran off.

From: Rachel

Message: Eddie, I'm sorry for running off. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. R x

From: Rachel

Message: I'm sorry. Maybe you'd be better off without me. R x


	6. The Day After

_Thanks for the reviews! They're great to read after a long day! Again, thanks so much to Laura/Grantly-is-wise for all her help, she has a special part in this story now ;)_

It was 6.30am, and Eddie's phone beeped across the kitchen.

**From:** Rachel  
Message: Hi Eddie its Mel. Rach hasn't stopped going on about u all night – did u kiss her on the forehead or has the blood loss gone to her brain?

**To:** Rachel  
Message: Don't worry, she's not 100% mad, I did just b4 i left. How's she feeling?

Eddie ran over the other side of the kitchen as he realised his toast was burning, and as he grabbed it out the toaster, his phone received another text.

**From:** Rachel  
Message: It's actually me now! Have a great day at work (; Feeling a bit better now I've used up half the hospital's blood supply! R x

**To:** Rachel  
Message: I was wondering if u knew about Mel nicking ur phone! Oh, ecstatic about running the place single handed today! Glad ur feeling better. C u tonight, promise. Eddie x

* * *

When he got to work, Eddie realised that the staff needed to know about Rachel, so he rang Steph to ensure it got round as soon as possible.

"Hi Steph."

"Oh, hello, Mr Lawson. Early bird today aren't we? Rachel got you at work already?"

"Technically yes. Rachel's in hospital, so I'm in charge for a bit."

"Oh my God, what's wrong?"

"She, well, she tried to kill herself."

Silence. For the first time in her life, Stephanie Haydock was speechless.

"Oh. I'll take care of telling the staff then, tell her I hope she's better soon. I really do."

"See you at work."

"Bye, Eddie."

* * *

Eddie picked up his phone after getting through a mountain of paperwork, and started to text;

**To:** Rachel  
Message: Steph sends you all the best. I'm sure all the other staff do as well. Bored, how do you get through all this paperwork? It's a total nightmare - the only thing they don't want to know is how big the plant pot is! Eddie x

* * *

When Eddie rang, Steph had been in the car with Maxine, about to drive to Waterloo Road.

Maxine had, of course, heard what Steph was saying, and wanted to know what was happening.

"Steph, what were you on about then, is there something wrong?"

"No, no, Miss Mason's away today."

"What's wrong with her?"

"Oh, nothing."

"So that's why you said you hope she's better soon? What's wrong with her?"

"She's in hospital."

"Why?"

"She.. she..."

"Get on with it!"

"She tried to kill herself."

Silence.

"You are joking, right?"

"No, you heard me."

"Oh My God. Is she alright?"

"I don't know, Max, he didn't say. Don't say anything to anyone though."

"I won't."

* * *

"Guys, Rachel's off ill today, so Eddie will be running the school." Steph announced to the other staff, to looks of confusion

"Dear God, what's happened this time?" Grantly grumbled

"Rachel tried to kill herself, actually, Grantly, thanks for your concern."

"Oh I am sorry." He muttered

"Good Lord, staff being murdered, pupils on drugs, and now the Headteacher tries to top herself." the supply teacher covering Eddie's lessons complained.

"An excellent analysis, if I may say so myself." Grantly agreed, looking back down at his Racing Post.

* * *

Assembly time. Eddie had been dreading this all morning. He checked his phone, 2 new messages from Rachel.

**From:** Rachel  
Message: Grantly might do to keep his job! I'm amazed you haven't got one of those forms for the analysis of the safety of keeping a potted plant in your office, they're a nightmare :P X

Eddie laughed, even when she was ill, Rachel had a great sense of humour.

**From:** Rachel  
Message: Bet assembly's going to be great fun! Good luck, make sure Grantly doesn't fall asleep in today! X

He texted her back;

**To:** Rachel  
Message: That fact about Grantly is very true, but all the other staff do genuinely hope you're better soon x Assembly, God help me! X

He exited Rachel's office, and began the walk to the hall.

* * *

As Eddie entered the hall, some of the students exchanged strange glances – where was Miss Mason? They didn't mind massively though, Mr Lawson was much less strict, and because he would be running the school, there would be supply teachers to mess around!

"Morning everyone." Eddie shouted above the talking.

"Morning, Mr Lawson." The students droned

"Right, some of you may be wondering where Miss Mason is today, she is in hospital, and won't be back for a while."

"Sir, what's wrong with her?" a student called Laura shouted

"I don't really think Miss Mason would appreciate her life flying around the school, do you, Laura? She has some sort of virus, but a very bad one." Eddie lied quickly, to knowing looks from the staff. He continued the notices - lost pencil cases, football matches, Bolton Smilie to come to his room at break, regarding last weeks disasterous trip to Derbyshire.

* * *

"Max, did Haydock tell you what's wrong with Mason?" a girl called Sarah, who sat next to Maxine asked.

"Yeah, but she made me promise not to tell anyone."

"Max, you can trust us, we won't spread it." Laura whispered

"I'll tell you afterwards, Lawson's glaring at us." Maxine muttered to her best friends.

* * *

Breaktime, and Maxine, Laura and Sarah were gathered under an oak tree in the playground.

"So what happened to Mason?" Sarah asked

"Look, you'd better not tell anyone this, but she tried to kill herself!"

"No way, Mason?" Laura exclaimed

"Shut up! They'll hear you!"

"Oops, sorry."

"So, Haydock found out from Lawson. Are him and Mason, y'know..?"

"Oh my God, imagine that!"

Maxine burst into her song; "Because she loves him, she wants to kiss him, she wants to marry.."

"Maxine, have you seen Miss Haydock anywhere?" Eddie asked from behind her.


	7. School without her

_Thankyou for the reviews, love you all! This chapter is dedicated to Grantly-Is-Wise for being so wise like Grantly and being awesome in general ;) Sorry for not updating in a while :'P_

"Maxine, have you seen Miss Haydock anywhere?" Eddie asked from behind her

Maxine looked at her friends, mortified – how much had he heard?

"I think she went to get some marking from her car, sir." She managed

"Right, thank you." Eddie walked in the direction of Steph's car

"How much of that did he hear?" Maxine said slowly

"Well, he walked over when I said "Are him and Mason, y'know?" but he got within earshot I think when you burst into song!" Laura laughed

"You said that loudly though!" Sarah giggled

"Oh well, we haven't been done yet!" Maxine pointed out

"Amazingly."

"Mason's got a virus, yeah right, more like she got arrested or summat!" Bolton shouted

Maxine looked angrily across at him, but he clearly didn't take the hint

"What do you reckon it was for then? C'mon – drugs, assault or what?" he carried on

"You are so sad, Smilie." Maxine yelled at him

"Ooh, trying to protect Mason, do you fancy her or something?" he asked her

"No, Bolton, believe it or not, after last week I'm not against her anymore."

"Maxine fancies Mason!" Bolton yelled "I've got it, Mason's inside 'cos she was giving Maxine the drugs!"

By this time, Maxine was furious, so she did the only thing she could think of to do.

She slapped him.

"What'd you do that for?" Bolton held his cheek as the crowd cheered

"Do you want to know the real reason Mason's in hospital?" Maxine shouted to nods from various students surrounding her.

"Mason's in hospital because she tried to kill herself, because that's how bad she felt about everything, and she didn't want to live anymore!"

Silence. Disbelief. Maybe even regret. They'd been spreading rumours while Miss Mason was in hospital, not wanting to be alive.

"Have you seen her or something?" Bolton asked, being far more polite this time

"No, Steph, I mean Miss Haydock told me."

"We should do something to make her feel better like send her flowers." Janeece said

"What, 750 bunches of them?" Maxine laughed "Nah, like a card."

"750 of them wouldn't take up much less space." Janeece tried to protect her idea

"Make like a really big card and get everyone to sign it!" Laura said suddenly

There were mutters through the crowd, discussing what they thought.

"Make one in art!" Chlo said loudly

"Good idea Chlo, like get everyone to make a bit of it and then we all sign it?"

"Yeah, good one." Chlo agreed

"Great, we'll start it in art next period."

* * *

Soon the end of the day came around, and the students had been working hard on Miss Mason's get well soon card. Later, Maxine and her group of girls took it around the classes to sign.

* * *

At the end of the day, the girls took the card up to Rachel's office, where Eddie was sitting, going through paperwork. He looked up as they knocked on the door.

"Come in, girls."

"Sir, we made a card for Miss Mason, the whole school signed it." Maxine announced

"What, how long did this take you?" Eddie looked confused

"Only a couple of hours, sir, we all worked on it together." Laura replied

"Can you give it to her in hospital?" Janeece asked

"Uhm, yeah, yeah, I will. Thank you girls." The group left the office as Eddie got his phone out to text Rachel;

**To:** Rachel  
**Message: **Got a surprise 4 u, c u soon. E x

He sent the message, picked up his briefcase and went out to the car. As he sat in the drivers seat, his phone went.

**From:** Rachel  
**Message:** Be quick then! Want to speak to u. R x

Eddie smiled as he drove off in the direction of the hospital...


End file.
